Six months after being raised to Master Mason, I wrote my demit letter.
I didn’t send it, but I wrote it. Saved it in my drafts folder with “Lodge Resignation” as the subject line.
This wasn’t what I’d expected. I’d joined seeking brotherhood, philosophical depth, and personal growth.
What I got was business meetings about roof repairs, dinners where nobody talked to me, and ritual I didn’t understand performed by men who seemed to tolerate my presence more than welcome it.
I felt like I’d joined the wrong organization. Or maybe I was the wrong person for this organization.
Either way, I was done.
Then something happened that changed everything.
What Almost Made Me Quit
Let me be specific about what was killing my enthusiasm:
Nobody talked to me. I’d show up to meetings, sit through dinner, attend Lodge, and drive home having had maybe three minutes of actual conversation. Small talk about weather and work. Nothing meaningful. I was surrounded by “Brothers” but felt completely alone.
I had no idea what I was supposed to be learning. The degrees were beautiful but confusing. Nobody explained the symbolism. Nobody helped me understand what I’d experienced. I was just supposed to figure it out, I guess?
The same old guys ran everything. The same five Brothers did all the work while everyone else watched. When I volunteered to help, I got vague “we’ll let you know” responses that never led anywhere. I wanted to contribute but couldn’t find a way in.
Meetings felt like obligations, not opportunities. I’d drag myself to Lodge thinking “I should go” rather than “I want to go.” That’s not what brotherhood is supposed to feel like.
The philosophy I’d joined for was nowhere. I came seeking ancient wisdom and deep discussion. I got budget reports and arguments about parking lot striping.
After six months of this, I was ready to walk away. Freemasonry wasn’t what I thought it would be. Maybe it wasn’t for me.
The Conversation That Changed Everything
Then I ran into Brother Mike at a gas station. He was a Past Master I’d barely spoken to at Lodge. We exchanged hellos, and he asked how I was doing.
I was honest. “Thinking about demitting, actually.”
He didn’t look surprised. “Why?”
So I told him. All of it. The isolation, the confusion, the feeling of being on the outside looking in.
He listened. Really listened. Then he said something I’ll never forget:
“Yeah, we’re not very good at integrating new members. That’s our failure, not yours. But I’m going to fix it for you. Coffee this week?”
We met three days later at a local coffee shop. Mike spent two hours answering every question I had about the degrees, the symbolism, what I was supposed to be learning.
He explained things my mentor never covered. He made connections I’d completely missed.
Then he did something even more important: he introduced me to three other Brothers my age and suggested we start meeting monthly to discuss Masonic topics outside of Lodge.
That changed everything.
What Actually Fixed It
It wasn’t one thing. It was several things that happened once Mike opened the door:
I found my people. Those three Brothers Mike introduced me to became genuine friends. We met monthly for coffee, talked about Masonic philosophy, shared what we were struggling with, and actually got to know each other. Suddenly I had Brothers, not just Lodge members I saw monthly.
Someone explained what I’d experienced. Mike spent hours over several months unpacking the degrees with me. The symbolism made sense. The lessons clicked. I finally understood what I’d been through and why it mattered.
I found my role. One of the guys in our small group was starting a Lodge podcast. He needed help with production. Suddenly I had a way to contribute that matched my skills. I wasn’t just attending meetings. I was building something.
Lodge became the beginning, not the whole thing. I stopped expecting Lodge meetings to provide everything I needed. They were the foundation, but the real brotherhood happened in between meetings. The texts, the coffee meetups, the random calls, the actual friendship.
I got patient. Mike helped me understand that Masonic growth takes years, not months. Six months in, I was barely getting started. The depth I was seeking existed, but it required time, effort, and consistency.
What I Learned About Quitting…
Here’s what I know now that I didn’t know then:
Most Brothers who quit do so in the first year. Not because Freemasonry is bad, but because integration is hard and most Lodges do it poorly. If you’re thinking about quitting in your first year, you’re not alone. You’re normal.
The problem is usually fixable. In my case, I needed one Brother to care enough to help. That’s it. One person made the difference between me leaving and me staying.
Your Lodge might not be the problem. Maybe it’s timing. Maybe it’s expectations. Maybe it’s that you haven’t found your people yet. Give it more time before deciding.
But sometimes leaving is right. Some Lodges genuinely aren’t healthy. Some men genuinely aren’t a good fit. If you’ve given it honest effort and it’s still not working, demitting isn’t failure. It’s wisdom.
The first year is survival. You’re learning ritual, figuring out culture, finding your place, and understanding what Freemasonry actually is versus what you thought it was. It’s hard. Everyone struggles through it. Very few people feel immediately at home.
If You’re Thinking About Quitting…
Before you write that demit letter, try this:
Talk to someone honestly. Find a Brother you respect and tell them the truth about your experience. Don’t just disappear. Give someone a chance to help.
Give it a full year. Six months isn’t enough time to judge. A full year through all the cycles, all the seasons, all the different Lodge activities gives you better perspective.
Find your small group. You might not click with the whole Lodge, but you might click with three or four Brothers. Build friendships with them. That might be enough.
Lower your expectations temporarily. Stop expecting Lodge to provide everything immediately. Look for small wins. One good conversation. One helpful explanation. One genuine connection.
Try a different Lodge. If your Lodge genuinely isn’t healthy, visit others. You might find a completely different culture 20 minutes away.
Connect beyond your local Lodge. Sometimes the Brotherhood you’re seeking exists, just not in your immediate geographic radius. Online Masonic communities can fill gaps your local Lodge can’t.
The Freemasons Community connects over 1,000 Brothers worldwide who are having the exact deep discussions and meaningful connections you joined Freemasonry to find. It’s not a replacement for your Lodge, but it’s a lifeline when your local experience isn’t delivering what you need.
Five Years Later
I’m so glad I didn’t send that demit letter.
Freemasonry has given me friendships I wouldn’t have otherwise. It’s made me think about virtue, character, and purpose in ways I never would have alone. It’s challenged me to grow when I wanted to stay comfortable.
But I almost missed all of that because my first six months sucked.
The difference between me staying and me leaving was one Brother who cared enough to help. That’s it.
One conversation at a gas station changed my entire Masonic trajectory.
To The Brother Reading This Who’s Ready to Quit
I see you. I was you.
You joined with high hopes. Reality hasn’t matched expectations. You’re disappointed, frustrated, maybe even angry that Freemasonry isn’t what you thought it would be.
Before you quit, give it one more honest effort.
Find someone to talk to. Give it a full year. Look for small wins instead of total transformation. Connect with Brothers outside your Lodge. Be patient with the process and with yourself.
Maybe you’ll still leave. That’s okay. But maybe, like me, you’ll find that one connection, that one conversation, that one Brother who makes everything click.
And if that happens, five years from now you’ll be so grateful you stayed.